Grouchy Old Man’s blog

I took these pictures of Tiger yesterday afternoon as he was napping in the middle of the living room floor.

I wish I could relax like that at a moment's notice ...

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Oh, and I hope this next one isn't offensive to anyone.  I suppose someone could construe it as "kitty" porn ...

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As I write this, the stupid dog next door is barking ... and has been for over three straight hours.  Oh, occasionally she'll stop to take a breath, but then she'll start up again.

With each yelp, the .32 caliber pistol in the drawer next to where I sit calls out, "USE ME!"  

But I won't.

Partly because it's not the dog's fault that she's annoying me.  She's used to being inside.  For some odd reason the  woman put her outside today.  Of course, I've always wondered how they could stand to live in that small house with two fairly large dogs and a kid that's got to be getting close to two-years-old now.  Hell, the kid alone would drive me bonkers!

Partly because it's against the law to discharge a firearm within the city limits.  I could probably get away with it, and it's only a misdemeanor anyway, but it's not worth the hassle.

Partly because the pistol is a 1907 courier's pistol.  The damned thing might blow up in my hand!  Probably not - it has been fired recently, after I replaced a broken spring in it ... and finding a spring for a 100-year-old gun was not easy.  But it's more for show than for blow.  Anyone who used the weapon in 1907 had to be crazy anyway - single action, no trigger guard, and other things that just begged for a mishap - in 2009 it's just not worth the risk.

It's a moot point now anyway ... she quit barking when I started writing this.

Only to start up again as soon as I wrote that sentence ...

"USE ME! ... USE ME!"

But I won't.

How do you use the Internet to stay informed about the things that matter to you?

Sponsored by Yahoo!

Well, let's see.  Since this is sponsored by Yahoo!, they'll be very happy to know that I use Yahoo! Sports to keep track of MY Oklahoma State University Cowboys football schedule.  At the beginning of the year, almost all the games are announced as TBA (to be announced) because they may or may not be on television ... so every week I have to check to see if they will be or not.  When they're not (only twice so far this year), I use the I-net to keep tabs on the game.

          I’m beginning to wonder about my doctor.

          Early in 2009, when I switched from one doc to another, the new doctor (“new” only in the sense that he was new to me … he’s old enough that he probably signed the death certificate for Methuselah) had me take a blood test.  Everything came back just peachy.
          “Next time you need to have your PSA tested for possible prostate problems.”
          “I’m only 47.” I noted.  PSA tests aren’t recommended until after 50.
          “Well, we need to get a baseline number.”  He reasoned.
          “But the insurance won’t pay for it unless I’m over 50 or have a family history of prostate problems.”
          “Do you have a family history of them?”  He asked.
          “Do I?”  I asked him.  “You’re my dad’s doctor.”
          “Oh yeah … no, no problems.  But we should still get a baseline as soon as possible.”
          Really, I’m just thinking he’s looking for an excuse to do a digital exam.  I think he thinks I’m cute.

          All of this came to mind the other night when I was watching television and one of the 1,259,354,714 advertisements for Ciallis, Viagra, or one of those other … uh … “stiffening agents” … came on and the announcer cheerfully advised prospective users to - “Ask your doctor if you’re healthy enough for sex!”
     
          I’d be afraid to!

          It looks so odd.

          Last night was the first time my wife and I had been out since the time change … and since my dad went off to live in the frozen north.  It looks so odd to see that house sitting there completely dark.

          My parents bought that house in 1979, just before I graduated from high school.  Never was there a time that there wasn’t some sort of light emanating from the place.  Never.

          When my mother was alive, she always kept a lamp on in the living room so that she wouldn’t have to stumble her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night or to the kitchen for a cigarette.  Even when they went somewhere, she always felt the need to leave a light on for her cats … her cats, apparently, being the only ones in the world to not be able to see in the dark.  Of course … no one likes to come home to a dark house anyway …

          Just before Mom died and after my dad had his leg amputated, the norm was for the bathroom light to be burning all the time.  Even with blinds closed there was illumination and not stark, utter, darkness like there is now.

          It just looks odd.

          A little late, but I was otherwise occupied …

          Last Tuesday, my wife decided that we NEEDED candy to give to the little beggars who were going to be coming around on Halloween.
          “I thought we still had some from last year …” I mentioned.
          (Yes, we are THOSE people.  The people who keep the candy from last year, freeze it, and give it out again this year … and next year … and in 2016 if it’s still around.)
          “No, I looked and didn’t see any.”  She assured me, so I relented and agreed to buy a couple of bags of the most inappropriately named “fun sized” candy bars.
          Approximately 2.1568785641 seconds after we got home, my wife found the leftover stash from last year.

          On Wednesday, my wife went to church.  I stayed home and killed people.  Actually fake people in a computer game, but I’ve been in a foul mood lately and slaughtering anything makes me feel all warm and tingly … even if they’re made of pixels and not bone and sinew.
          When my wife arrived home, she informed me that she’d been invited to attend a state-wide ladies meeting.  Before I could begin the “we can’t afford this, we’re going to have to fix up this house” type of thing, she informed me it was free.

          “When is it?”  I asked.
          “This Friday and Saturday … the 30th and 31st”  she said.  "I guess you’ll get to pass out the candy.”
          “Guess again.” I muttered.

          No, I did not pass out treats.  Hell, I didn’t even turn on the lights in the front part of our house!  I look at it as a public service … I’m concerned about the little “darlings” and their health.  After all, they’re going to have to work long hours in order to support me in my old age!
          
          Another plus?  No candy buying for the next 10 years!

John Milton wrote "Paradise Lost" while he was married.

His wife died, and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

Coincidence?

What's the biggest frustration in your life right now?

Family issues.  Right about now being an orphan ... a divorced orphan ... sounds like a good thing.

Relatives ... you can't live with them, you can't kill them.  Well, actually you can, but it's frowned upon.

Stupid socially acceptable behavior!

          “NEW AND MORE AMAZING!” the label says at the top.  Below that, at the bottom, it says “the tangy original.”

          ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

         How can a product be one and the same?  

          If it’s “NEW,” it cannot be original!
          If it’s “MORE AMAZING,” it cannot be the original!

          It cannot, it cannot, it cannot!!!

          And, it especially cannot be amazing when the product is mayonnaise!  YUCK!

          Okay, actually it’s Miracle Whip, but the same thing.  (The ‘miracle’ is that anyone actually eats that crap.)

          Well … except on a BLT, turkey and roast beef sandwiches, or in tuna salad.

          Also on the label, on the back, is the advisory - “Do Not Freeze.”

          Excuse me?  Is there a new fad I don’t know about?  Are people going around making mayo-popsicles now-a-days?
          
          I have way too much time on my hands during lunch …

Who is the most famous person you've ever met?

I shook hands once with David Walters ... former Governor of Oklahoma.  Thank God that didn't lead to me being arrested.  He was involved in a lot of scandals once out of office, and a lot of his friends got implicated with him.

I went to high school with a guy who has appeared in a couple of movies.  Not any recently, and not any big starring roles.  He was in one movie that considered a semi-classic "coming of age" story, "TEX."  He played the drug dealing friend.

I've known a couple of guys who played professional sports, although not any anyone would know ... unless they followed baseball in Japan, or knew who played on the line for the Kansas City Chiefs.

Nobody really famous, I guess.